Post by Laila on Sept 11, 2010 14:16:16 GMT -5
Salt
Salt. The scent is strong as I can hear the waves crashing against cliff. My eyes… they’re closed as I feel the wind caress me lovingly and wildly. The air is cold but it’s okay. It just enhances the numbing feeling that has spread over my heart as I wait, as I wait forever for you. I will stand here barefoot, cold, numb, and lonely.
I will hide the tear that continually falls from my cinnamon colored cheek. I will hide the sadness that threatens to spill out of my brown eyes. I will pretend to not feel the intense pounding of my wounded heart. I will pretend to be okay… all for the chance to see you; to be with you.
But it feels like I have been waiting forever, the hope within me is dying and being replaced with doubt. Will you come? Will you really seek me out? Will you want me still or has someone taken you from me?
Questions race my head; most of them with traces of doubt. I feel disgusted with myself… I am so weak. I should be able to wait for you; I should have the strength to bare everything as wait for you. My determination must be stronger than this. Although… those dark blue waves tempt me.
They taunt me from below and each stroke beckons me to join them; to join their brutal, fierce, and patterned dance. I think of it, I think of how it would feel to jump into them. The wind would try to desperately grasp me but it will fail to keep me from the waves. Coldness will enter my body and surround me in an embrace that I could never leave. Darkness… will be all that my eyes will last see and I would give in all to easily to water as it drowned out the warmth of my life; my inner fire.
I open my eyes to see that I have out stretched my hand towards the sea. It seems as if I was pleading to it to take away my burdens, my life, and my sorrows. More tears leave my already sad eyes as I realize the pitiful state I am in. I truly am weak to crave death so cold, when all I seek is your arms of sunshine and bliss.
How could you want someone like me? I am so empty. I am so selfish to want you to myself. I desire to be the only thing you seek, to become your obsession. I wish for you to need me too. I feel like I am a creature not worthy of your love, your kindness, your smile, and your attention.
I remember you calling me beautiful… I remember your strong and loving hands touching my cheek so lovingly and with intense care; almost as if I would shatter if you touched me too forcefully. I can recall your warm sweet breath as your lips were only a few inches away from my own. The warm and all consuming gaze that you gave me with your aqua and emerald swirled eyes; the love in them consumed me and drew me to you; like a bee to the sweetest flower. My mind and body never could desire or want someone so much. I craved you and that fact has not changed.
The desire within me is so strong that it’s hurting me, its slowing eating me from the inside out. The hunger spread like a deadly disease as it consumed me completely. It’s ironic to know that the only cure was you; to have you near me; it was the only way that I could be sedated; it still is.
I turn around, feeling the gaze of someone that I have long awaited for. I see you standing perfectly in front of me; with all your glory. Intense eyes that remind me of the sea below the cliff edge stare at me. They look sad, they look lonely. I want to run to you, embrace you, and comfort you. But I stay still; I am too afraid to move; to afraid to find that this image was nothing but an illusion created by my desperate mind.
You don’t make a move but stay still like stone. You have lost your warmth; somehow it is gone. Although I see… I see the hope that your eyes hold; the spark of something that I remember from so long ago. If only I was strong enough to move my legs to walk to you; I could make that spark into the fires of passion. I wish to see the sunlight that you possess deep within you.
Sadly we are both frozen in our places. We stare at each other… too afraid to look away and too hungry for each other to give up the image before us both. Will you come to me? Will I come to you? Or will we both come to each other to find ourselves once again reunited? Will we come together again to find our little piece of happiness?
I hope so; and with that another water drop falls from brown orbs. It lands on my lips and all I can taste is… salt.
